Thursday, December 17, 2009

The Little Nazi & The Big One

"The big one is hungry!!" the Little Nazi exclaimed, pointing at the poor 12 year-old girl who is, in fact, very large. The Big One roared in anger and in an instant she was out of her seat and charging at the Little Nazi, flinging chairs and desks out of her way as she charged like an enraged gorilla.

"Hey!" I shouted, my back turned to the class. "Sit down!" The moment the Little Nazi had said "The big one is hungry" I had spat the mouthful of tea I had just sipped into my hand and turned my back to the class so they couldn't see my laughter. We had been practicing adjectives and their opposites. I would give the class an adjective, in this case, the word "small" and ask what the opposite is. When the class replied "big" I said "Good! Somebody use that in a sentence now."

The Little Nazi and the Big One were always at each other's throat, so much so that I had exiled them to opposite ends of the classroom. The Little Nazi is a poster-boy for Goebbel's master-race propoganda, with piercing blue eyes, a square jaw and perfect blonde hair styled in an Oxford-cum-Prince-William-like coiffure. He's also a mouthy trouble-maker and the alpha-male of the students, but he can do it all with perfect accent-free English. He's also a complete brat, and I have a hard time trying not to let on to the other students that he's my favourite.

The Big One is just the opposite of the Little Nazi. In a country where sleek stylish feminine beauty is worshipped, this pre-teen girl experienced a freak growth spurt and shot upwards and outwards. She stands nearly 6 feet tall and probably weighs more than I do. Her short neck-length hair and pudgy black eyes give her a menacing air. The rest of the 11 and 12 year olds in that class are small and frail by comparison. She is incredibly artistic and carries a permanently-angered attitude, most likely due to constant teasing in a cruel kid's world. Throughout her day I'm sure she runs into a hundred brats like the Little Nazi, so she is constantly on guard against his type.

Nevertheless, when the Little Nazi shouted out, knowing damn-well exactly what he was saying, "The big one is hungry!" (he immediately burst into bratty laughter after shouting it), I was wracked with laughter. With my back to the class and my shoulders shaking as I failed to keep the laughter inside, I tried to recover some type of teacher's dignity. "Good use of articles." I said meekly.

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