Monday, December 14, 2009

Friggin' Cold

If you think about it, meteorologists are the only people who can be wrong 70% of the time and still keep their jobs. That's why they've come up with a hundred different ways to justify their inability to actually predict the weather by using lots of technical jargon. Words like "apparent temperatures" and "chronoanemoisothermal diagram" and "advisory" abound when discussing the weather. Like legal loopholes, these allow meteorologists to keep their careers.

I have a better system to describe the weather, and so far it has worked for me. Coming from a colder climate such as Canada (which people from several northern states of the U.S. will be able to concur) I am quite good at predicting the weather for free. It is working for me in Moscow.

For instance, today it is "friggin' cold" with the sun shining down from a friggin' cold clear blue sky, with a 100% chance that it will be friggin' colder once the sun goes down. The thermometer says it is -18 C. Point proven. Friggin' cold.

Tomorrow it will still be friggin' cold. In fact, my weather prediction is that it will be friggin' cold for the next 3 1/2 months, then change to friggin' wet and muddy as the temperature warms, and then "friggin' fantastic" as spring arrives and all the Moscow girls start wearing short skirts, and then "friggin' hot" as the summer arrives.

You can put money on my predictions. I've been right all my life in this department.


  1. Hi Canadian,

    Internet weather sites often do not cover Russia, or only Western Europe, ignoring the 13 million in Moscow. does... but they have been predicting rain in St Petersburg for several days... and we have lots of snow.

    So it's good news that there is your Canadian service with it's forthright predictions. As usual, entertaining blog... and well written.

  2. Thank you for your faith in my humble weather forecasting abilities.