Canadian Men

Canadian men have a good reputation in Russia for being honest, practical, handsome, strong and even stoic. The image of the proud Mountie standing on guard or the hard-working manly lumberjack providing for his family is what comes to mind when Russian people think of Canadian men.

Among Russian women, in particular, Canadian men rank among the top most suitable foreign husbands in the world. When I ask my female students "If there were no Russian men left and you HAD to marry a foreigner, in which country would you look?" Almost all of them answer "Spain" and "Canada". As with all questions posed in English class, there is the obligatory follow-up question: "Why?"

The girls usually respond that Spanish men are sexy and sensual and know how to dance and have a sexy accent, while Canadian men are strong and dependable and intelligent and know a man's role in a family (most Russian women are proudly traditional). While these stereotypes may or may not be true, it doesn't hurt that as a Canadian male I'm looked upon favourably by the women in Russia!

I recently took to exploring this concept of being a part of the top most-desirable men in the world, a notion that I have hitherto never entertained, and did a bit of online research. I was pleasantly surprised when I came across lots of articles and information that indicate that not only Russian women but most women around the world believe that Canadian men are top-notch marriage material! Imagine my surprise!

Cosmopolitan magazine, the most widely-circulated woman's magazine in the world (translated and published in over 85 languages globally), runs an annual survey of its female readers concerning the "Top 10 Sexiest Men In The World". For 12 years in a row Canadian men have ranked in the top 10 (while American men have, regrettably, never made the list). Spanish men continue to come in first place year after year, but in 2008 Canadian men made it to third place before falling back to 6th place.

Apparently Canadian men have a reputation, outside of Canada, of being strong, hard-working manly men with firm family values and big hands while at the same time being doting fathers and caring husbands AND at the same time being highly intelligent and cultured. Just look at this excerpt from an article I dug up from the Russian website yandex.ru (and used google webpage translator to read it):

"[Canadian men] are some of the best husbands and fathers [in the] world....with one hand they will [can?] pull a car from a ditch while feeding a baby with the other...tall and rugged, the Canadian [man] knows how to be [a] man and at the same time be his wife's best friend...[he] will put his family before all else and use his strength of body and mind to protect and nurture his loved [ones]...."

As a Canadian man myself I had to laugh at this article. It usually takes both hands to pull a car from a ditch.

Another, much more practical blog entry on livejournal.ru from a Russian woman living in Vancouver read..:

"I've been living amongst these species of men for seven years and when comparing to Russian men, there is no comparison. Canadian men are my ideal [men]. Most of them are tall and good looking and that [only] improves with age. They are much like big, loyal, well-behaved dogs who don't need a leash and chase away bears and burglars at night. In their eyes and bearing there is a relaxed confidence, confidence that comes from knowing they are strong and intelligent and being proud (sic) of their abilities. They don't smoke and rarely do they drink. They fight only for just reasons and prefer to sort out problems with diplomacy [rather than] fists, whereas Russian men simply throw childish tantrums and smash each other's, and their wives', faces in."

After reading a couple of more articles and blog entries about Canadian men, my feathers were proudly preened and I started to read what I wanted, thinking "Yes, that's right. That describes us (Canadian men) perfectly!" Of course that isn't all true. There are a lot of alcoholics, junkies, wife-beaters, trailer trash, assholes and complete morons in Canada, just like anywhere else. And because the Canadian diaspora is made up of hundreds of different nationalities and ethnicities, it is impossible to place any one type of label on "Canadian men". I'm sure a proud and beautiful Slavic princess from Moscow would find a different type of man, with a different set of qualities, in a third-generation Chinese-Canadian living in Vancouver than she would from a first-generation Polish-Canadian living in Toronto.

Nevertheless I decided to look further into this phenomenon. Russian women have a Canuck fetish (I can imagine a Russian girl fainting at the mere sight of a Spanish-Canadian!). I used google.com to search for impressions of Canadian men from around the world.

British women also think of Canadians as rugged, nature-loving, dependable, strong and stoically-handsome Mounties, although this doesn't appeal to the British girl as much as it does to the Russian girl: Canadians ranked 12th in Britain's idea of desirable men.

Japanese and Korean girls ranked Canadians as the sexiest and most desirable men in the world, believing that Canadian men are very family-oriented and make fantastic fathers and husbands while putting their wives/girlfriends/lovers before their careers (does that say something about the overworked cultures of Japan and Korea?). Also, Japanese and Korean girls ranked Canadian men as being the best lovers in bed!!! I know there are a lot of Canadian ESL teachers in Japan and Korea, but surely they haven't slept with ALL the Cosmo-reading girls in those countries yet? Still....yeah, baby....

Australians ranked Canadians rather poorly, and I wasn't able to find much information about what the hotties down under think of Canadian men, except that they are "..boringly normal, although with nice bodies..." Well, we could care less about you too, Australia. That's not true. You have a lot of hot women...

Europeans also gave Canadian men an average rating, although keeping them in the top 10. Again, the image of the proud man fending off circling wolves in the Yukon while his sled dogs tire prevailed (I supplied the imagery but you get the picture). Interestingly, the further east in Europe you travel, the sexier Canadian men become in the public mindset. This is probably because "sexy" for a French woman means something completely different than it does for a Ukrainian woman (tanned, rippling muscles, chiselled face and beautiful long locks compared to a dependable, loving family man).

Spanish women chose Spanish men as the hottest men in the world, followed by Brazilian men and then Spanish-American men. In fact, I noticed a bit of nationalist pride there, and Canadian men ranked extremely low in the eyes of Spanish beauties. Brazilians, however, ranked Canadian men extremely high, as the third sexiest men in the world! In fact, Brazilian women, when asked if they would prefer to have a one-night stand with a Canadian or marry him, responded positively to both! Again, that myth of the tall and strong stoic intellectual has travelled to the warm bikini-covered beaches of Brazil.

American women, on the other hand, apparently don't even spend their time thinking of Canadian men. Results were incredibly low and nearly 40% of those polled had "no opinion" (probably because they're not sure where Canada is on a map, or what it is). Contrary to gun-toting flag-waving American patriotism, however, they also ranked their own American men very low (too sensitive/not confident/unsure of themselves/too stupid were the most common reasons given), while most American women, it would seem, are busy drooling over the Spanish men.

As a proud member of a much-sought-after group of men in the world, I asked Katya what she thought of Canadian men. "I only know you." She answered. I reminded her that she met my friend two months ago, to which she replied "Yes, but I didn't sleep with him". Typical Russian answer. I pressed her to tell me what she had believed about Canadian men before she met me, to which she replied "That Canadian men were tall, strong and handsome, and took care of babies and helped their wives but were also good at fixing things and building things and loved the outdoors and....."

So there you have it. The tall and proud Mountie, despite having disappeared in his traditional form 100 years ago (except for the tourists), continues to represent the ideal Canadian man to the women of the world, or at least part of the world (why won't those Spanish knock-outs come over...?). And while I hold my head high after reading these articles, I know that when my soon-to-be Russian wife makes the big move to Canada, the vast mix of races and the fact that Canadian men are really no different than men in the rest of the world will probably be a disappointment to her, and then it will be time to buy a red uniform with a wide-brimmed hat and role-play some kinky Mountie stuff...

"Okay baby, do want the Chief or the Mountie tonight?"

Youths

One thing that I think would be good to have with me is a stick. The kind of stick that is thick and heavy-looking and one or two feet long. I would walk around, twirling it lazily and smiling to myself in a snarky way. I'm willing to bet that nobody would mess with a guy swinging a big stick as he walks casually with a look on his face that reads "I know a big secret. It's the kind of secret that involves everyone but me dying. Tomorrow."

That way, shop keepers won't yell at me when I try to order 1 kilo of ground beef and mispronounce a word. Old drunk men won't hassle me for cigarettes and money on the street, and, most importantly, groups of youth won't bother me when I walk through a park. Heck, they might not even stare!

Ms. Australia and I went to drink in the local Mytischi Municipal Park on Tuesday after work. We bought a couple of beers and decided to take advantage of the beautiful spring weather. As we walked through the park, searching for a bench to sit on, large groups of teenagers and early 20-somethings who had infested the place stared at us. They were all drinking and the young men, in the slightly-latino-macho way with their black leather jackets and their bright white Adidas sneakers, and sporting mullets, were glaring at us with open hostility.

We couldn't figure it out. We weren't even speaking, so there was no way for them to know that we were foreign, yet one group of teenage girls stopped talking and carefully studied us as we walked by. An old man once told me that he can tell a westerner by our eyes. "You people have kind eyes." He had said. "Whereas Russians have hard eyes." I don't necessarily subscribe to this theory because many of the Russian youth who live in Mytischi have had a pretty easy life thus far. This is, after all, a suburban town filled with Russia's equivalent of yuppies.

Last October, as I came home on the Moscow metro, I looked up to see five young men seated across from me. They were all wearing black leather jackets, black jeans and black combat boots. They were all blonde with closely cropped hair. The one directly across from me had the most piercing blue eyes I've ever seen. I know this because, when I looked up, I realized that all five of them were glaring at me with a very chilling cool and cold calculation. One of them said something and they turned to him, laughed menacingly, and then turned those ruthless stares back at me again. I tried to stare down the one with the blue eyes, but thankfully the train came to a stop and the doors opened and, right before they closed again, I jumped out of the train. Ha!

How did they know I was foreign? Those young brutes were obviously some sort of nationalist Slavophile neo-nazi gang. The youth in the Mytischi park were obviously spoiled kids acting tough. If I had a menacing stick to carry around with me, I doubt any of them would have stared at me.

я люблю москва!

я люблю москва (ya lyoublyou Moskva) is Russian for "I love Moscow!"



Moscow is one of my favourite cities in the world. Of course this is only one person's opinion but I have seen a decent number of cities and Moscow ranks high on my list. I'm not sure where it ranks but it might fit comfortably somewhere between Halifax and Seattle. People may argue that I haven't seen other European cities aside from Vienna and St. Petersburg, to which I reply by saying "Shut up." This is my blog.

Last summer I wrote an Ottawa POV (point-of-view) so now I'm going to give you a Moscow POV.

Moscow Positive:

Moscow has attitude in abundance. It is a ballsy and rude and aggressive and incredibly sarcastic city, and this is one reason I love it. It's like the New York of Europe. Traffic in Moscow is non-stop, day and night, and with 15 million people (officially...there may be an additional 3-5 million illegals in Moscow) all jostling to carve out a piece of life for themselves, a collective attitude is formed that makes me smile every time a taxi driver yells at me or a drunk guy passes out on the sidewalk or a grouchy babushka pushes me out the metro doors with her oversized purse.



Moscow Negative:

Babushkas are dangerous creatures. A babushka is a Russian grandmother, and following the Second World War, dangerous industrialization in the Soviet Union and high rates of alcoholism and cancer, most men in the past didn't live beyond 55. This means that there are millions of old widows roaming the streets of Moscow, barking at anyone they don't like the look of.

It is difficult to blame these small, round, squat old ladies with kerchiefs wrapped over their heads. They grew up in incredibly difficult circumstances and lived very hard lives. Since the fall of the USSR in 1991 chaos seems to have run rampant in Russia and these old ladies are simply trying to survive. They will, however, savagely beat with their big purses any unsuspecting passenger who doesn't give up his seat on the bus, or physically shove you out of a line at a ticket counter, or simply start shouting at you for no reason from down the street.

I should mention that babushkas are incredibly sweet grandmothers to their own families, and, with high unemployment, army obligations and rampant alcoholism rendering many fathers useless in family affairs, often form the rock around which family life functions. Every Russian loves his/her babushka, but remains wary of anyone else's.

Moscow Positive:

Red Square and the Kremlin are the most famous landmarks in Moscow and for good reason. Situated in the dead center of the city, the Kremlin is an awe-inspiring fortress city-within-a-city. Surrounded by a massive red wall, the towers of 15th-Century churches peek up alongside 18th-Century government buildings. Large Muscovy spires adorn the Kremlin wall while gardens and statues ring the outside to the north and east and the Moscow River runs along it's southern side.


Red Square takes up one whole side of the Kremlin wall, anchored at one end by the Resurrection Gate and at the other by St. Basil's Cathedral. Opposite the Kremlin wall is GUM and the Church of the Annunciation. Stepping onto Red Square always takes my breath away, regardless of how many times I do it. It never ceases to be one of the most beautiful and aesthetically pleasing man-made areas in the world, and it reeks of Russian history and culture. I highly recommend visiting Red Square in the early evening and then sticking around for sunset, when soft floodlights light up St. Basil's and the red walls of the Kremlin.

Moscow Negative:

The highway that circles Moscow, the M-Kat, is a 108-km long circle of motorized mayhem. The traffic jams that occur on the M-Kat far exceed even those of Seoul or Tokyo. Trying to get anywhere in rush hour can take 4 or more hours! Nobody seems able to drive very well, either, resulting in confusion and chaos and pure, utter hell on the highway. After midnight the going is much smoother, but during the day I would highly suggest avoiding buses and taxis and opting instead for the metro and the elektrishka to points outside of the city center.





Moscow Positive:

Moscow is famous for it's nightlife, earning it the nickname in the early 2000s of "The Wild East". Moscow conjures images of insane nightclubs with spectacular light shows and jaw-dropping women and rave music pounding while alcohol and blatant sexuality pour freely. A lot of that hedonistic nightlife has since vanished but some traces of it remain. In addition, there is still a fantastic night scene in Moscow. Clubs open and go under rather frequently, to replaced by something completely new.

Expect to have a really good time in Moscow at night. I was never much of a club person, missing out on the scene almost entirely as a 20-something due to being a broke student, then a pot-head, then traveling to Asia. I have always had a phobia towards dancing but here in Moscow those personal barriers have been broken down. I love going out in this town. The women are incredibly approachable and even if they aren't interested in chatting they know how to turn a potential suitor down with charm and sensitivity. I don't mention the men in this case for two reasons: I haven't hit on any men at a nightclub, and men in any nightclub are usually approachable. My experience with Moscow women at Moscow nightclubs is that, once they hear me speaking English, they come up and talk to me. For that matter, so do the men...


Moscow Negative:

If the nightclubs are among the best in the world, then the prices reflect that. Going out in Moscow sometimes requires taking out a mortgage to finance one's libations. One Saturday night out on the town usually means waiting two weeks for my next pay in order to go out again. In addition to 290 rouble beers (nearly $9), 500 rouble cover charges and the cost of buying drinks for two or three super-sexy slavic girls you are bound to meet, there is the cost of getting home. My colleagues and I live outside of the center so by 4 am we are looking at 1000 rouble taxi rides home.

In addition to the cost of enjoying Moscow's night life, there is the threat of being turned away by feis kontrol; large men in leather jackets who control who is good-looking enough and rich-looking enough to enter a club. I have posted an earlier entry about feis kontrol so I won't get into it, but being 'feised' from a nightclub can ruin an evening. Two weekends ago Quagmire, Wonderpants, Ms. Australia, Gem and I, along with A&A (a new male character I'm introducing now) and his Russian girlfriend Blondie and two British girls, Tash and Kat, went to a fancy nightclub on the roof of a massive shopping mall. This club shared the rooftop with two other clubs, one of which had glass windows through which we could see half-naked go-go dancers on tables while laser lights danced across the room. The place was packed, and a guy with a friggin' MP-5 submachine gun was standing at the door! That was the most extreme feis kontrol I have ever seen. Unfortunately we didn't go to that club...

Another downside to Moscow's nightlife is that there isn't a "downtown" core in Moscow. Every nightclub is situated randomly throughout the city, making it difficult to bar hop, and nearly impossible once the metro has stopped running (around midnight).

One Last Moscow Positive:

The simple fact that I am in Moscow, Russia, is a positive enough. I yearned to come here for a year before I finally made it. Like I said at the start of this post, the overall character of the city is fantastic. No other city has a personality like Moscow and it can be shocking at first but it grows on you very fast. This city doesn't suffer fools gladly but it does reward the adventurous with untold ethereal riches.

One Last Moscow Negative:

There isn't one. I love this city. If I had to come up with another negative it would be that Moscow forces a certain lifestyle on the person willing to let themselves get absorbed in it. If you let it, Moscow will suck you in until you are lost, even more than Bangkok. People who come here on one-year contracts stay for years without even realizing it, and have a difficult time tearing themselves away. The city, with it's mix of beauty and crudeness, sensuality and violence, charm and aggression, leaves an enduring mark on the traveller. Even more so if a babushka hits you with her purse.