Friday, October 23, 2009

Canadian Rejection

I am a dummy with women. It doesn't matter which culture they are from, I just cannot pick up on the subtelties of female communication.

In my evening class of adults there is a blonde bombshell named Natasha who looks like a cross between Jewel and Anna Kornikova. She's 24 years old and has a Masters degree in international finance. She has long blonde hair down to the small of her back, big crystal-blue eyes and long legs that always end underneath a short black skirt. She asked me out tonight.

Me, being a dummy and an English teacher, didn't pick up on it right away.

"Do you like Russia?" She asked. "Yes, actually, I love Russia!" I responded, because I do love this country.
"What do you do on the weekends?" she asked.
"I don't know. It's been something different every weekend." I replied.
"Do you walk on Sunday?" She asked.
"No, I usually go into Moscow." I answered.

Doh! This whole conversation occured as the class was getting their jackets on to go home, and it wasn't until ten minutes after everybody had left that I realized that she meant "Would you like to go for a walk on Sunday?"!!!

In Russia, the first date is traditionally a walk through a park followed by tea followed by sex, and here is the stupid Canadian, Mr. Atethepaint.

After I had figured out that a simple error in grammar had ruined a potentially fantastic weekend, I recounted the story to Ms. Australia, Ms. Tenessee, Quagmire and Wonderpants, and they all roared with laughter at me. They have seen this girl and agree that she is particularly hot, even by Russian standards. "You Canadians are dense!" Ms. Australia mocked.

Seriously, though. I am an English teacher and we've been plugging the past simple and present perfect for two weeks now. "Do you walk on Sunday?" has a completely different meaning from "Would you like to go for a walk on Sunday?"

Stupid New English File textbook series. Why couldn't they start the first chapter off with prepositions? That way English teachers could date their students without such awkwardness. I'm going to write an EFL textbook called "Real World English" and it will involve..well, real English.

Otherwise, how do people expect to pick up their English teachers?

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry, but what does "Do you walk on Sunday" mean then?